XNC

khat, "body," indicates a body which as obtained a large degree of Knowledge, and power and glory, whereby it becomes henceforth lasting and incorruptible. The body which has become a sahu has the power of ascending with the Soul and holding converse with it. In this form it can ascend into heaven and dwell with the gods, and with the sahu of the gods, and with the souls of the righteous...

E.A. WALLACE BUDGE

The essays provided below examine how biography and biology unfolded my occult path. More can be found here. -

Liber Ouranos

I am passionate in my trajectory. I am also a writer. I taught myself to write at two, and I have yet to stop. I feel that I must study, experience, and write (to proceed in my Aim) like I must breathe to live. This is not an exaggeration.

I started my first grammatikos at the age of 13. I made the cover from a thick palm fiber paperboard procured from an area craft store, composed each page in the manner of art (including the inner paper itself), and then bound it all together with an agave thread saved for the purpose. I filled the pages slowly and specifically; with poetry, drawings, quotations, and details on tarot, astrology, and dreams. When it was full, I made another; and across the years, many more have followed. I have two trunks full, plus the "currents" shelf in my office. I fondly call my trunks "The Hope Chest" and "Pandora's Box".

The trend across the years (where this sort of writing is concerned) seems to be a simplification of the physical expression of it all, with a more developed content within. Now my thoughts are numbers, shapes correspondences and compositions. Instead of writing about what is happening, I tend to write about my Work and what I am learning therein. My passion for exploring the depths of Self-Realization only seems to intensify and expand.

Now I add a new "journal" to the shelf in my room every two or three months and everything leans toward practical purposes. I use a three-ring binder that allows me to slip an image, quick and simple, under its clear front sheath, and recycled paper that is soft, gray, and somehow reminiscent of Kindergarten. To keep information organized, I often gather and summarize the details I've received, collected, and/or experienced of a specific abstraction into tables and charts using my beloved Word processor. You will see I've made use of many of these here and am starting to explore a similar notion in Blog 88.

Sometimes the abstraction or reception requires more than a table or two, it requires its own journal-entire. In fact, the backbone of the original bound format of Liber 88 relies heavily on one such grammatikos, dubbed Liber Ouranos or The Bark of Heaven. It was mystically received across 260 days in 2003, in summary of the direct application of the Mysteries of Light and Life on social design and "Civilization Building". The pages are contained by a binder of mint green and eggshell blue, with this picture held by the cover slip:

The grimoire Liber Ouranos spent 2004 in The Hope Chest. On May 5th, 2005 I brought it out and have since increasingly found ways to work within, develop, and put forth its Work, in that it provides the root system nourishing the Tree of my continual Becoming.

My Name

If you have come this far into reading what I am writing, it is likely you already know my name. Not my birth name, known to very few, but the name I started using at 19, after it revealed itself to me rather unexpectedly in the midst of a powerful experience while floating on Paradox Lake, in upstate New York. If you are not aware of this name, you are at least aware of my initials, the title of this page.

There was nothing wrong with my birth name. In fact, I received it under rather synchronistic and somewhat mysterious circumstances, which I have only valued. Some Force, perhaps even my own Force, seems to have actively cared what I was named.

Fourteen years after taking a new name at Paradox Lake, I discovered that both my birth name and my adopted name have the exact same numeric value (in English Gematria). Out of all the numbers and names, what are the chances? And, more importantly, “Why?” Why would my arrow of time twice pierce through a name carrying precisely the same energetic quality? In my world, where numbers weave together the pattern like a skeleton, underlying and supporting all things, this initially felt off or diminishing somehow (for such a transformative experience to end-up, essentially equating to the same product I started with!).

It took another three years – these past three years – and various seemingly unrelated shifts in the way I used my name on-line (to distinguish my Work from my personal life) for me to discover on December 17^th, 2009 that the name I’d been attaching to my spiritual Work, Soror XNC, was the equivalent of Wormwood. This could not have been the case with the first letter of my birth name...